Grief is the loudest silence

Grief is the loudest silence

Grief is the loudest silence 2560 1829 Paulina Ryters

“Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Grief is by far the most intense, weird and complicated emotion that I’ve ever experienced. It’s more like a state you all of sudden find yourself in. It comes and goes like a pure force of nature. It’s when the world around is quiet and you scream on the inside so intense that you can’t breathe. When you start crying on the crowded street in the middle of your relaxed run. When you want to run forward until you fall down from exhaustion. When you try to stop the tears 3 minutes before the next call with the client or your team. When you think it’s getting better and then you end up crying the whole day. Or week. When you feel so tired that you can’t sleep. When you can’t eat and drink for days. When you actually mourn the future and not the past knowing that nothing will be the same ever again. When you don’t have an answer to all the ifs and whys. When the only thing you feel is rage and a need to destroy something physically so that you don’t go crazy inside. When you try to fill the nights with music, drinks, smoke and bad decisions to feel something positive.

But it’s also the most silent silence. Emptiness. Nothingness. Eternal sadness. Lonely dark evenings. Emotional distance from everyone. Hugging this one piece of clothing that still smells like safety. Warm memories of special moments and crazy adventures. Love. Hope. Forgiveness. Smile on your face. Acceptance. Strength. Positive solitude. 

Grief is the older brother of Fear. Grief is the End Boss.

So here’s the thing: Be kind to everyone you come across because you never know who’s suffering inside.

In loving memory of my Mum…

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